Brian Snuff – Platonic Superstar
I opened Nikita’s fridge in search of milk. All I could think to do was make her a cup of tea. There were eight rolls of camera film, one beer, half a bottle of wine and a lonely scrap of cheddar. My kind of girl. Except tea would’ve been good right now.
Being the trust-able male friend I’ve seen many women cry, but not Nikita. Not before now. Her face had fallen so suddenly, or a shadow had fallen over her face.
SNUFTY: What can I do to make it okay?
A tear sat close to the tip of her nose.
NIKITA: Churn out some cliches about him not being the right one, it not being the right time. That I’ll meet someone else when I least expect it and forget I ever felt this way.
No mention of an empathy shag. Probably for the best.
SNUFTY: Well all these things are cliches because they’re true.
NIKITA: Do you think I use you as a substitute boyfriend?
Well you did fall asleep in my arms the other night. In fairness though, it was me that asked for a hug.
SNUFTY: Maybe we both do that.
NIKITA: (EYEBROW CROOKED) You treat me as a substitute boyfriend?
SNUFTY: You know what I mean.
SNUFTY: Shall I go and get us takeaway or something?
She shook her head.
NIKITA: No, let’s get smashed and have adventures.
Nikita’s idea of adventures seems to be getting in fights with men.
SNUFTY: Are you going to get me in a fight?
She isn’t listening. She’s dashed off to fix smeared mascara and put on a skirt.
Her phone is ringing. It’s Leon. Leon the heartbreaker.
I almost press Ignore, but instead I answer.
SNUFTY: Hi Leon. It’s Brian.
I imagine the camera cuts to him. He is stood in the doorway of the flats where he lives. Traffic humming somewhere nearby. He is tearful too. For an emotional retard, he cries pretty easily. He looks surprised and annoyed that I answered.
But he’d never act annoyed or fazed. Why should anything faze him? He’s a cool mother fucker.
LEON: Hi Snufty, where’s Niki?
SNUFTY: She’s getting changed, we’re going out.
SNUFTY: You want me to pass you over?
Nikita is back in the room. Sensing him like a cat. Her face is hardened like sculpted bone.
LEON: No, it doesn’t matter.
The line goes dead.