Confessions of a Geek Groupie

Lets make one thing clear, when I use the term ‘geek’ I’m definitely not referring to the type of folk who wear big glasses with no lenses in, because they think it looks ‘cool’. Scenesters, hipsters & those who treat their friends & lovers as fashion accessories, politely please get the funk off my blog.

Number two clarification. I consider myself a geek, but I don’t like to bandy the term about incase the Geek Classification Squad pin me into a cobwebby corner and start asking me Star Trek trivia. All I mean is that I’m a bit of an anorak about some stuff – cocktails, films, video art, wolf facts, dystopias, magic realism, Gunter Grass, rum, proper beer…

While my fanboy-sci-fi-show knowledge is limited to ‘Baybylon 5 is a big pile of shit!’ (It really is. I’ve seen it. Lots of it. It’s almost worse than Hollyoaks). I’m definately a geek groupie and Funk’s House of Geekery reminded me of some of the reasons for this with their Top 10 Sexiest Geeks

While the list is actually a bit rubbish (Vin freakin Diesel?!), it’s notable for being topped by small-eared, pale-haired voice of a kidult generation – Simon Pegg *swoon*. Also notable for how many British hulks of manmeat make the list including Martin Freeman *second swoon*. What can I say? We just wear it better.

Many of my friends over the past decade have been either film geeks or music geeks (or both). The thing about true geekery is the ability to archive an incredible quantity of information (information pretty much entirely useless to survival or seduction). So, while I fairly often find myself in the midst of a conversation which seems to have descended into a foreign language, I enjoy basking in the slightly green toxic glow of the geek. It’s like having a walking talking library.

There are many advantages. I like music a lot, but I don’t pretend to know naff all about it. I don’t have the time, money or inclination to spend hours trawling record stores or the internet for the pleathoro of brilliant independent music out there. The (skyscraping) quality of my music collection is entirely reliant on the type of muso I’m aquainted with at any given time. Geek’s are a great time-saving device. Like an i-phone but less annoyingly smug.

Now films I do geek about. I occassionally catch the facial expression of some unfortunate caught between me and a geek discussing Richard Linklater with the rabid enthusiasm of a Pekinnese with a bow-shaped bone. They look just like I do when somebody starts talking about modern cars, handbags or Jonathan Franzen  – baffled that the world has not been perfected with them in mind.

Talking to folk about films and sharing recommendations is part of what drives my passion for it. And lets be honest here, if I’m ever invited around your gaff, I will look at your dvd collection, and I will judge you. The odd mishap is acceptable, nobody’s perfect. But every single Highlander film ever made? That will give me post-traumatic stress.

Y’see being a geek groupie has its hazards. I went out with someone for two years who tortured me with Highlander and Babylon 5. Sure I thought him having the replica sword from Blade was somehow vaguely endearing, and the way he bought really nice guitars then took them to pieces like a squirrel and redesigned them to his own bespoke needs, kind of cute. But if I could somehow take back all the hours I wasted having taken 2 buses to get to his flat, only for him to ignore me & play GTA all night? Hell hath no fury like a women scorned for Sega (you will score minor points for naming that film).

So, without further ado, a few geeks that Funk missed of their list.

Richard Ayoade (Moss in the IT Crowd, among many other talents).

Writer, director, funny-voiced actor. Wears glasses with actual lens in.

Danny Pudi (Abed in Community)

Solely for the character of Abed, a meta-fiction obsessed film geek, whose various impressions of Batman and Alien in fancy dress episodes were just awesome.

(Stumbled on the fanboy trivia – Richard Ayoade directed one of Community’s episodes)

Johnny Galecki (Leonard in the Big Bang Theory)

I’m disinclined to believe Johnny Galecki is actually a geek in real life. Pity.

Charlie Brooker

I’m a geek about Charlie Brooker. I’ve been told to shut up about Charlie Brooker. I won’t. Soz.

And now some fumbled excuse for a pic of Simon Pegg… um…

I’ve almost forgiven him for ‘Run, Fat Boy, Run’

Over & owt…


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